Built from Stone, not Hate

It is when you feel it from the inside,

like a stone that has had enough of being tossed around.

It’s when all the anger builds up

from the dirt they throw you into,

from the garbage they throw at you.

It is when you realise you’ve had enough.

But you still can’t move.

Can’t speak.

Can’t do anything

except wait.

Wait for the right time,

the right weather,

while you lie there on the ground,

unable to move,

unable to run away from all of it.

You wait.

You pray.

You breathe until that day —

full of pride and stubborn, relieving feelings

from the inside,

from the bottom of your heart.

You wait

till that day

when they will get what they deserve.

All of the tears

that slid down your cheeks —

hot and painful,

sorrowful and without escape —

you know they will pay.

They will pay for every bit of hurt you felt,

every bit of dirt they told

about you —

to your face,

behind your back.

It’s not the reason you live for,

but it is a reason big enough

to be patient,

to be silent,

to be calm,

to have peace

among all the anger,

the hurt,

the injustice.

All of it can live within you,

and still all of it can be true —

even if it goes against itself.

All of it can be the truth.

Because they don’t deserve that treatment:

to see me suffer,

to see me in pain.

They don’t deserve my flowers

nor my rain.

They don’t deserve my politeness

nor my smiling face —

except when I am smiling despite them,

when I am smiling while they thought they had hurt me,

while they said things,

waiting for me to blow up,

to say what I shouldn’t have.

Usually, they only saw my back,

my quiet mind,

my calm self —

even though they don’t deserve that either.

Because it seems as if they only live

to make it worse for me,

to throw more dirt on my back,

to make it look like my fault,

to make it seem like they are the victims,

to make me look like the villain

in my own story,

my own home,

my own built-up walls —

built on love,

courage,

patience.

They’ve been trying to tear it all apart,

to bring everything down to the ground,

to the very foundation.

They didn’t know I am much stronger —

like a rock.

It’s hard to break apart.

They didn’t know who they came up against.

They wanted for themselves

what was actually mine.

I don’t hate —

not even them.

But I do wish

for justice

to fall upon them.

And I will wait,

knowing who I have behind my back,

knowing where all that strength came from —

and it is enough.

Even when it hurts,

even when they touch what they shouldn’t have,

even with everything I have already been through.

Because my life is just starting,

and I am not letting anyone destroy it.

I am not letting them destroy me

or anything that

I love.

They don’t deserve it —

not even my help,

not even my empathy,

not even my forgiveness.

From heart

Through words

A ✨